davidology

THE ULTIMATE SILENCE
October 12, 1998

Six years ago today, Matthew Shepard was murdered for being gay.

What will you do to end the silence?

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This day almost escaped me unnoticed this year, if it hadn't been for

bgtothen's entry, it might very well have. That's sad, because as the years pass, I begin to let slip by the memory of how this unspeakable crime truly hit me; determination is all too quickly replaced by complacency.

Last year, I wrote this entry. Several years ago, I created this flash animation that served as sort of a catharsis to deal with the guilt I felt over the silence I spoke about in the above entry. We move on, forgetting what the cost of our silence truly can be not only to ourselves but to others.

When we hide who we are to friends, at work, at school, we deny someone the impact of knowing someone who is gay. We know that impact is meaningful. It forces people to confront their prejudices. It's easy for someone to vote in favor of laws that deny rights to gays when he doesn't see how it impacts someone he knows. This isn't to suggest that everyone should speak out or "come out" if s/he isn't ready, but recognize that there is a cost. A nation that stood shocked at the death of Matthew not so many years ago, is all too ready to outlaw our relationships, judges who stand up for our rights are smeared as "activist judges" by cowardly politicians fanning the flames of bigotry. But in some ways, we are the cowards when we don't stand up to them—and others—and say it's not all right.

I still hide sometimes... but not nearly as much.

when the curtain falls and you're caught on the other side
just trying to keep up with the act, we'll lie in the back of black cars,
with the windows rolled up, joining the procession of emptiness.

if we say these words, it will be too late to take them back.
so we hold our breath and fold our hands.
like paper planes, we're going to crash.

we don't have to be alone—ever again.
there's a riot in the theater, someone's standing in the aisle,
yelling that the murderers are everywhere, and they're lining up,
carving "M" into your side....
i'm disappearing, into the spotlight, i'm on display,
with the butterfly and the scarecrow.
with smiles like picket fences, you tie us all up and leave us outside.
that voice is silent now, the boat has sunk, we're on our own,
but we're not going to run.
-Thursday

I was never more ashamed of myself than when Matthew Shepard died — ashamed that I'd waited to come out because I wasn't sure how friends at school would take it, afraid I might be made fun of. I'd been a coward. And I couldn't help but think at the time that if more of us stood up, it would make things like this less likely to occur. After all, it's easier to hate people when you dehumanize them, and that's harder to do when you already know them.

The article behind this cut is nothing less than infuriating, and a reminder we're still targets... and all the more reason to stand up and make a difference. There's NO legitimate reason for Bush and other politicians to oppose gay rights and gay marriage (aside from bigotry), and there's no reason for us to look the other way. There's no reason to excuse the Pope, just because he's a religious leader, for spreading anti-gay rhetoric. Why are they any better or more legitimate than Rev. Phelps, just because they mask their prejudice behind less vitriolic speech? So President Bush would never say "God hates fags." Isn't telling your justice department to find ways to "protect marriage" and stop/block states from recognizing gay marriages saying the same thing?

These are our leaders telling the rest of the country and the world that it's okay to treat us as second class citizens and leaving a legacy of hate in legislation. Here is Rev. Phelps being a bit more direct, and leaving a legacy of hate in his monument to Matthew.

( Shepard death still yields sympathy, hate )