A Festivis for the rest of us

I just got back from the mall. What a sight.

All you fair weather shoppers out there, disrupting my shopping and eating. Where were you the other 330 days of the year while I was supporting the economy? Lazily sitting in your churches and temples, I suppose. But now, now you and your ridiculously oversized Yuppie Planet Destroyers are clogging the parking lots so that I cannot get in. And those pets of your's. You know we have leash laws in this city, right? Just because you put cute clothes on them doesn't make it right. They get under foot, clog the escalators, and those obnoxious screams. Child Psyc taught me that their screams are tuned to be extremely irritating to human ears. Got muzzles?

But I got my booty from PacSun despite you.

(  check out my score here  )

The King is dead, long live the Queen

I consider myself to be fairly masculine — most of the time anyway. I have my moments.

I just had one.

Sitting peacefully in my chair trying to download both MS Office 2003 and Linux, I look over to find arthropod gigantus scaling the wall right next to me. I screamed shrieked at a frequency mostly only dogs can hear, my arms and legs flailing in the air as I flipped over the arm of my chair sideways.

I may grow a third eye from the Raid fumes I'm breathing at the moment.

Did you know spider is short for spawn of Satan?