My Dearest Trader Joe,

If you introduce one more thing I grow to love and then subsequently take it from me a month later, I swear to Raptor Christ, I will personally fly to the Middle East, dig up the baby Jesus, remove a rusty skewer from his crusty body and stab you in the eye with it, you teasing twat-monkey.

You've toyed with my emotions for the last time!

Signed,
Your loving customer,
David

P.S. bring back the Spicy Veggie & Flaxseed Tortilla Chips or I will totally kill Trader Ming with fire. kthxbye