davidology: (Fuck you!)
[personal profile] davidology
Dear Adobe Acrobat,

I hate you.

No, really. I hate you, and I never want to see you again. We're in a fight.

You see, it's bad enough that your software is woefully bloated and takes 5 hours to load the gajillion extensions you have it set to do. It's bad enough that just to view a 1-page document, my browser has to hang while your shitty software starts up. But on top of that, every time I go to view a PDF, I get some upgrade notice. Now, it would be one thing if this were actually an update.... but it isn't! It's a complete reinstall of your effing software! Have you ever heard of a patch, you sadistic fuckheads?!

To add insult to injury, every time I install—sorry, I mean "update"—my software you install 53 icons all over my hard drive and desktop, embed yourself in every @!#(*$%* application I have, and install 12 programs to load every time I start my computer! And.... And.... as if that weren't enough, just for shits and giggles I guess, you, for some unholy reason, find it necessary to reset my Internet Explorer toolbar to the default settings. Did it ever occur to you that maybe I spent 10 minutes deleting buttons and moving things so that I had everything on one row because I liked it that way?!?

ARRRRRRRRRR!

Now, after finally giving in last week and installing your crappy bloatware "update," I went around and cleaned up your mess. I deleted your stupid shortcut icons, disabled your umpteen toolbars, edited my registry to stop your poorly written crapware from starting all your unnecessary TSRs. I played along. I installed your 7.0.4.12.41.342.121.4.123.54 update that you insisted was so effing important. I spent the 10 minutes getting my toolbar back the way I like it. I thought for once maybe that would be it. Maybe in version 7 you'd learned something. I think it's over.

But is it over?

Oh no! It's ONE week later. ONE FUCKING WEEK LATER. ONE WEEK! I innocently choose to view a PDF, and you pop up that I need to install version 7.07.12.234.12.323.5321.3. ANOTHER GODDAMN UPDATE NOTICE?!??!??!11?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, YOU FUCKING LYING PIECE OF SHIT! All I wanted to do was read one lousy page. How did your crappy PDF format become the defacto internet standard, and why hasn't anyone dismantled your offices and sold the pieces for kindling?!??

ihopeuchokeanddie.

Love,

Me

P.S. Don't bother coming back to pick up your stuff. I'm burning it all.


(deleted comment)

it won't die!

Date: 2006-02-17 01:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] davidology.livejournal.com
acrobat == the undead

Date: 2006-02-17 12:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] joiseyguy.livejournal.com
You need FoxIt.

http://www.foxitsoftware.com/pdf/rd_intro.php

Fast, very fast. No bloat. Less filling.

Date: 2006-02-17 01:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amnewsboy.livejournal.com
Oh... my... this is the most awesome program ever created.

Bless you.

Date: 2006-02-17 01:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] davidology.livejournal.com
i friggin love it.

i'm totally having its babies.

Date: 2006-02-17 01:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] davidology.livejournal.com
omg.

that is the greatest program ever made. it doesn't even require running an installer!

Date: 2006-02-17 01:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sublimevisions.livejournal.com
IAWTC!! totally.

Date: 2006-02-17 12:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milamberrex.livejournal.com
*ROTFLMAO* so true.

Date: 2006-02-17 12:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] almosthuman.livejournal.com
cute.

very, cute.

=p

We hate it when you sugar coat, David.

Date: 2006-02-17 12:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] salacious-pop.livejournal.com
OMG love you. You win the internets this month.

"There is a special place in hell, down the hall from Hitler, for Real Player*."

(* and also Adobe Acrobat)

Re: We hate it when you sugar coat, David.

Date: 2006-02-17 03:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] davidology.livejournal.com
oh i hate realplayer too. AND quicktime. I delete the qttask out of startup, and as soon as it runs, it adds it back.

grrr...

Date: 2006-02-17 08:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tongsinanpei.livejournal.com
Same problem here. I want to slap QuickTime.

You do know that you can create and read PDFs without Acrobat, right? It's not an Adobe monopoly.

Re: We hate it when you sugar coat, David.

Date: 2006-02-22 07:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gypsy1526.livejournal.com
well we've already established that Apple's are evil ;)

Re: We hate it when you sugar coat, David.

Date: 2006-05-07 01:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] iwill.livejournal.com
http://www.free-codecs.com/download/Real_Alternative.htm and http://www.free-codecs.com/download/QuickTime_Alternative.htm - not perfect, but pretty good.

Re: We hate it when you sugar coat, David.

Date: 2006-05-08 06:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] davidology.livejournal.com
I've installed free-codecs (love those guys), but I can never bring myself to let it install the alternative players. I fear losing functionality (despite ie helping keep my sanity—what's left of it anyway)/

Re: We hate it when you sugar coat, David.

Date: 2006-05-08 09:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] iwill.livejournal.com
MediaPlayer Classic doesn't need installing, if memory serves me correctly - like FoxIt, "it just runs". I don't recall it ever touching any other settings unless told to do so - it's uncommonly well written in that respect ;]

Date: 2006-02-17 12:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amnewsboy.livejournal.com
The %^&*^!(!*^%(&!^ing program won't even start at all on the Windows PC. If I want to view a PDF, I have to open up the laptop.

Brilliant design there.

Date: 2006-02-17 01:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kuteluvr.livejournal.com
*sigh* Why couldn't I read this BEFORE I accepted the updater-that-wouldn't-die?

Date: 2006-02-17 01:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elo-sf.livejournal.com
So what I hear you saying is you want the next version to take longer to launch?

:-p

Date: 2006-02-17 01:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] davidology.livejournal.com
yes, i'd like about 12 more extensions to load up, and i was thinking: why stop with having programs load in startup? Why not an Adobe service, so that it's even harder to find and stop?

oh, fuck it. They should just make an acrobat rootkit and be done with it.

Date: 2006-02-17 01:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elo-sf.livejournal.com
that would so r0x0r... :)

In fairness, Acrobat 7.0 standard as a full clean install isn't nearly as bad as 4, 5 or 6 ever were at least not on a brand spanking new 2.X GHz Dell Celeron thingy laptop I just got.

Date: 2006-02-17 01:21 am (UTC)

Date: 2006-02-17 01:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sublimevisions.livejournal.com
Acrobat. Shudder...

there is a way to shut all of that off. but even without all of those extensions it still is a memory hog.

Have you tried foxit? It was featured on LifeHacker and is quite lite. I like it so far.

http://www.foxitsoftware.com/pdf/rd_intro.php

Date: 2006-02-17 03:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] davidology.livejournal.com
yes.

i just got it.

...and i'm in love.

Date: 2006-02-17 03:55 am (UTC)

Date: 2006-02-17 07:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] code-hero.livejournal.com
Hehe. I laffed.

Steven.

Date: 2006-02-17 10:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] madidude04.livejournal.com
I LUV U.... I never install the updates... I just hit cancel and am still able to view the PDFs.... I still love you tho... Tehehehe.

<3 Paul

Date: 2006-02-17 03:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ksustud8.livejournal.com
I do agree, my office is totally based on Acrobate and it SUCKS!!!! And I get so anal retentive everytime it pops up the UPDATE bullshit! Ghhharrrrrr!

Haha

Date: 2006-02-17 05:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gypsy1526.livejournal.com
You RANT like me - i luv it hahaha

Date: 2006-02-17 08:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] compositeur.livejournal.com
Heheheheheheheh ... u're cute when u're pissed. ;)

Date: 2006-02-18 10:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fiercejarad.livejournal.com
yeah who need that bitch

Date: 2011-02-26 09:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hannahyung.livejournal.com
Adobe Acrobat is not only a RAM consuming, CPU processing eater but it doesn't die quietly as I thought it should; I had to use some kind of a (http://www.paretologic.com/products/regcure/index.aspx) software to remove all the keys it written in the HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE/Software section.

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